thoughts

I felt... a combination of sadness and disappointment today.

I think... I probably just encountered my first failure in NTU. Failure, defined as not achieving something that I set my goal on, despite me being fully justified to achieve it. I could'nt figure it out; I failed because of internal, external, or some other unknown factor?

Among all the emotions that I can chose to hate, disappointment has always been on the top of my list.

I am not used to encountering failures, and whenever I do, I take it very much to heart. Which probably explains why I always try to make it up whenever I do something, even sometimes when I am not even obligated to do it. I feel inferior, even during time when I shouldn't even be.

Am I stressed? I don't know. Maybe I am. Maybe I am not. I don't know how stress feels like, so I can't say if I am feeling it.

My prof "scolded" me just now, for being late. But that was because I had a previous class and it ended late. I have to admit that it is indeed my fault that I am late though. But this incident just added to this pile of unhappy things that I am feeling, which isnt exactly fortunate at this point of time.

I think I need a day off.

happy teachers day

I went onto Blackboard to look for updates of my classes, and I saw one of the prof wished us a Happy Teachers' Day.

I didnt see sense in it at first. And then I realised, hey, I AM a teacher already. Still a student teacher/teacher trainee, I am ALREADY a teacher.

WOAH.

A moment of realisation.

weird dream

I had a weird dream this morning.

I dreamt that the NIE seniors somehow managed to come into my room, and gathered me for an impromptu midnight orientation.

WTH.

Didnt manage to sleep well again last night. This is unusual because I'm a heavy sleeper, and I can sleep on any kind of bed and at any place. But its so difficult to have a nice night of sleep here.

WHY!?!?!?!?!!?!?! =(

first day

I climbed more steps and slopes that I had in my previous schools. HAHA.

Oh wells. I only had 1 lecture today. Met some nice people. Can't say much at this moment... hmmm...

the world is so small.. or at least, Singapore is.

I realised how everyone is connected to somebody.

How I know? Through the almighty FACEBOOK.

OMG

Decisions

I can't decide whether I want to teach History & Geography, or History & English, or Geography & English. Hmmmmmmmm.......

July!

It's finally July!

Which means, I've been offically slacking since late Feburuay, and school starts in August, which makes it... 5 months! Woah, 5 months of PURE slacking. No full time job, a few odd jobs here and there, hang out with friends, do whatever I like, stay up through the night, sleeping in the morning, waking up in late afternoons, spend money and having no income. HMM. No joke. I'm running SO SO SO SO low on funds.

2009 should be my most unproductive year, YET. Imagine almost half a year of doing nothing.

That day when I went down to collect the NDP Preview Tickets, I was asked to do a survey. It wasn't those Yes/No or MCQ kinda questions, but open-ended kinds. The question that I attempted was "What does the pledge means to you" or something along that line. And shame, I had some difficulty answering that! Maybe its because I pulled an all nighter, not sleeping at all the previous night and then went there straight to get the tickets. OR, its because my brain is all rusty from the 5 months of mininal use. Time to scrub that rust off for school.

I'll get busy from 18th onwards, because I'm working at this fair at Expo. One last odd job before I am officially employed by MOE. And hopefully get some money for start of school stuff. After the fair ends, school stuff will start to surface.

Anyways, I'm really excited about school already. Staying at home doing nothing has officially bored me out. Bored from slacking. Hah, that's a first. So I'm really looking forward to school again, with camps, orientations, meeting new classmates and people, getting in touch with books and projects, living in halls with YUNXUAN, taking care of myself, running between Hougang and Jurong, GETTING MY FIRST PAY FROM MOE (cool, I'm looking forward to this the most, hahaha).... Yea, basically doing things other than slacking.

Also, Youtube is my new love, because when you stay up all night, it gets boring after reading blogs, do some online window shopping, read FMLs, facebook-ing and whatever. Tons of things to see.

OKAYS! Enough ramblings.

River Flows In You, Yiruma

Isn't this beautiful?